Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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