Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
