I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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