im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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