I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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