I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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