dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize