last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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