it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
