This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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