Whoa Z and x make the same sound
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
