I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
