Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
