so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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