found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
