you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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