So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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