My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
