I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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