doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
