I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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