call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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