giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
