His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
