The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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