Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
