had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize