ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
