fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
