Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
