great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
