We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
