I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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