I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
