the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize