I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
