When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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