Already got asked if we're dating
I want to make a zoo with you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
