I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
