i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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