if you like me you must not know who I am
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
