she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
