The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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