I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
