I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
