She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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