low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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