he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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