when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just gargled with NyQuil
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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