i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
