We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
