Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
