Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
