Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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