I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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