I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
