No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
