Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
