mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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