forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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