Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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