Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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