Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
