All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
