I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize