you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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