The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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