I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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