don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
