I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
