I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize