some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
