he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
