God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We need a shit load of segways right now
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
