I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Come on in and take your pants off
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