I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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