he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
