I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
