whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
