I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
